In Search of Shiva

'The eyes are useless if the mind is blind'

For sometime now, everytime I feel any kind of chaos in my head I seem to find immense peace in music that has rythmic patterns like the Mahishasura Mardini Strotam or the Shiv Tandav Strotam. Shiva in particular gives a lot of tranquility to the mind. I was wondering how I got here and figured out a few things as I wrote about it.

The idea of God has always intrigued me. As a young adult my first views were that god does not exist, and even if it does his objective would never be to have an army of people in it's servitude. Over the years I began to recognise the relevance of faith as an all encompassing power that makes people believe in themselves and gives them hope. As I read more about India and it's four thousand year old history I got to know about the cultural aspect of god and religion as a uniting force of Indian society. But it is only from my experiences as an adult surviving in the real world that I saw it’s spiritual relevance - perhaps the most important part of our existence. 

The world in which we live today runs on rule of law- a set of collectively identified and agreed upon principles that guide our society. But because right and wrong is a matter of perspective, these often fail to function effectively thus requiring corrective action. It makes one wonder what would happen if someday this collective consensus was to collapse? In fact it often does, leading to a morally corrupt society that becomes difficult to discipline even with laws. The more l read about India’s past, I realise that the Indian subcontinent has been bound together with the wisdom of the vedas at it's base. Because of this, Indian society has been running not on a set of codified rules but on the spiritual consciousness of it's people. Villages without locks, diversity that coexisted peacefully, high moral and ethical values were not that uncommon in India as are today because society functioned on the conscience of man rather than externally mandated principles.

I used to think the Mahabharata, the Bhagavad Gita and the Ramayana are epics meant for religious purposes only. I didn't need God or religion at least till my teens and early twenties because I always used to find answers around me. But when you grow up you come across situations that are so complex that even your near and dear ones can’t help you completely. There are some answers you need to ask yourself and decide the course of action thus. 

My journey with the spiritual aspect of religion began when I was stuck with a moral dilemma at work. Up until then I thought integrity is about always doing the right thing. But that situation made me realise that the pursuit of right and wrong is not so black and white. Sometimes what clearly seems like the right thing to do may not be in everyone's welfare. And there is no use of integrity that does not lead to a collective good. I tried to find some inspiring quotes during this dilemma when I stumbled upon one from the Bhagavad Gita that said ‘The meaning of Karma is in the intention. The intention behind action is what matters.’ This gave me the strength and the peace of mind necessary to move forward in my action because in my heart I knew my intention is right and what I needed to do was my duty. This incident made me curious. You don't believe in something till it actually works for you. 

Slowly whenever I came across anything related to Indian Mythology, I actually stopped to read it. The other day I was listening to a podcast about the Mahabharata where the narrator talked about how every character in that story is within us- when you aren't able to perceive the truth then you are Dhritarashtra, when you know the truth and still choose to close your eyes you are Gandhari, when you are willing to stake everything you have in the pursuit of revenge you are Shakuni, when you know that you are siding with the wrong and even then you don't stop yourself you are Karna, when your goodness becomes your enemy you are Bhishma, when in doubt you are Arjuna and you are also the Krishna who will guide your path. As the podcast continued and the characters spoke to each other about what they should do, I felt like these are the voices in me that speak when I make my decisions. It is these two incidents mainly that gave me a perspective on what god is. 

God is not a deity or an external power that blesses us, it is our conscience. The ‘path to god’ that people tread on is in fact the path to our own self- our ultimate purpose in this world. My mother always says, focus on one thing and you’ll automatically start doing good in others. I've seen that happen as I shifted my focus to my subject, I never realised when I gained new hobbies along the way. And this same reason is perhaps why listening to the Shiv Tandav Stotram gives me immense peace and silences any kind of chaos in my head. 

But who is Shiva? Some people say Shiva is from where everything has come, where everything sustains and to where everything will dissolve- he is the beginning and the end. Some say he is nothingness because it is the only thing that is all pervasive. The Sun or a bulb will eventually lose it's ability to give out light, but darkness is eternal. Some say Shiva is a destroyer- his role is to destroy the universe in order to re-create it. 

The answer to who Shiva is requires significant knowledge of Indian spirituality but if I ask myself based on what has actually been working for me, perhaps Shiva is not a god but our ultimate goal- the locus of where our being is headed. And the journey to that self is what our life is about, which is why music with rythmic patterns in his name gives tranquility to the mind. Whenever we try to solve a puzzle or the Rubik's cube, we fix one set in it's place and then build around it. This is exactly what rythmic patterns seem to do. Sometime back on a science page I was reading about how the universe is made up of many patterns. The Fibonacci for example is not just a mathematical sequence but a pattern found significantly in nature- in flowers, trees and leaves. Similarly, rythmic chanting is a pattern that aligns us with the cycle of the universe. Pattern as in the case of a Strotam seems to be working like cogwheels in machinery. Repetition aligns us into the chain in which the universe runs and thus gives us balance. In this context, finding peace in Shiva (or any God) is like heading in the direction of your own focal point, which sets in motion realignment of all the other things around us.

This journey towards God and religion has been a long one and is in fact still evolving. I wonder if I should have gotten here sooner? Most likely the answer is no. Every phase in our life seems to have some purpose and I think one must enjoy something when it's meant to be. As a teenager your priorities in life are different, your universe centres around your school, college, family and friends. I wouldn't ask my younger self to search for god. But yes, if anyone feels lost or chaotic I would suggest exploring this path. Just keep in mind that you can't find something before your time and that it's about the journey and not the destination. For what it's worth, you don't find Shiva, he finds you.