Friends, Groups and Growth

I think it is everyone's dream to have a set of lifelong friends you call your inner circle, but I have never been comfortable with this concept. I find the idea of placing your life around just one set of people so binding. I love having a lot of friends, each having a special place in my memories. My inner circle is just me. When not socializing, i like to spend endless amounts of time doing nothing- which for me is reading about every random thing i get curious about, or other hobbies. Even in my childhood, i used to sit with cassette covers and sing songs or read something. It's only when i grew up, i got to know that people have had these friends they talk to on a daily basis. I was telling this to a friend recently and she said she found this concept crazy as well. How does one have the space in their mind to do anything else productive with that kind of a set up, i don't understand.

It's not like i have not tried, i've been a part of close knit groups many times and it genuinely feels nice, but eventually I have always felt suffocated by the demands of such a construct. So, instead of disappointing the people i love so much i always took a step back. It's such a fascinating concept- to have a few people you share everything with, who know about your family and are always there for you but i have felt that an idea like that comes in between you and your growth as an individual.

Since the idea of groups has always intrigued me, i did some basic reading on how these things fit in the lives of successful people. I observed that most of the iconic individuals flew solo during their take-off period, while some had a solid moral support system in their families or just one close friend. Reading these stories led me to the conclusion that while being a loner is not suggested- you do not succeed in a group. The way i see it, it's mostly because when you have a set of people you talk to on a daily basis, it becomes your comfort zone. Your mind, your subconscious is used to seeing you in that construct and doesn't feel the need to challenge itself. Which is why when i see around, friends of mine who have grown in life have built their own parallel lives during that process, reached a higher equilibrium of inner self and then found a way of fitting in their old universe with their new self. 

One of my friends who has had a tight gang since school was recently telling me how two of his friends have changed and aren't as emotionally attached as before. And the names he took were the only two people who have evolved both professionally and personally over the years. Growth is not just material- it is also about having an expanded mind. Somebody could achieve heights in their career and still look at the world how they did as a teenager. And somebody could have gained a lot of experience and developed newer perspectives towards life. As i spoke to that friend of mine, i felt that though his friends who have 'changed' have grown, he had the exact way of looking at life the way he did when we were in school. So I felt like, we don't realise this but more often than not, our friends are not just our comfort zone but they're our escape. When life becomes difficult we have somewhere to go and feel the same sense of security we did when you were younger. So we keep circling around our same self, which is the source of our dissatisfaction in other aspects of life. Through this little conversation, i felt like my observations about successful people must also hold true. 

But it made me wonder, is it important to necessarily keep evolving? I don't think so. It is not something you do, it is something that happens with time. But when you don't make efforts to see yourself outside your comfort zone, you stay where you are. And then one day you notice that other people have evolved and if it bothers you, your personality starts to regress. My mother always tells me- keep doing things so that never in your life do you feel that you are behind somebody. And this has actually worked, evolving and being a better version of yourself keeps you confident in life, it especially helps you during your period of self-doubt. Or when the chips are down, you find it easier to deal with tough times. 

 

In all this, as most success stories have been witness to- there is very less space to have an inner circle that is a part of your daily life. I was seeing some examples of how few people who have achieved a lot have these childhood friends they take trips with every now and then, collaborate with for work and have them around for special events. I think groups could work that way. I doubt though for me, but for people who have a tendency to stay in groups. As for me, i think i will always be this person who gets super excited talking to people i've made different kinds of emotional connect with at different times in my life. But always is a long time and i like keeping my mind open to change, so let's see what time has in store.